Jul 11, 2011

And I spake thusly unto the refrigerator: Bring forth much pork and chili and beans, and puddings, and there shalt be A Great Eatening in All The Land

So hello! Today I have a little helping of WTF for you. As opposed to all the other ones dealing with WTF and WTF byproducts. And I have been told recently that my tendency to be longwinded is “cute,” so this post has got to be adorable.

"Do you find yourself attracted again and again to troubled, distant, moody men -- while "nice guys" seem boring?
Do you obsess over men who are emotionally unavailable, addicted to work, hobbies, alcohol, or other women?
Do you neglect your friends and your own interests to be immediately available to him?
Do you feel empty without him, even though being with him is torment?"

This is from the Amazon.com description of a book titled, “Women Who Love Too Much.They recommended this to me, theoretically because they have discovered that I do tend to go for the dark, moody/otherwise stable nice guy type.
Then again, they also used to recommend me vibrators, knives, and books on taxidermy, so clearly they know what I do on Friday nights.*

This is a joke. If you did not think it was a joke, then I weep for you.*

First of all, if you need a book to tell you that your emotionally unavailable work addicted alcoholic cheating boyfriend/husband/whatever should perhaps not cause you to neglect your friends and interests in favor of being around for him all the time and that you are also dangerously emotionally codependent, stop reading.
Go kill yourself.
Do it now.
For Jesus. Because he is disgusted with you.
If Jesus were here right now, he would slap you across the face and call you a dumbass.*

*Blatant lie. Theoretically. I mean, it’s not like he didn’t raise his most holy pimp hand to those little punk money-lenders in the temple. There’s a precedent here.
(Upon reading the draft of this blog, my friend Dustin remarked, “Then they'd fall madly in love with him because there's nothing crazy bitches like more than a husband who beats them.”)

How in the hell are there still women (and men) that do this? I grant you, we all got raised with the Beauty & the Beast archetype, and not the relatively cool one with Ron Perlman.
This guy made fantasy soap operas cool for like 3 years,
which is longer than anyone else has done ever.

But the whole underlying plot of the original Beauty and the Beast is that there’s basically this prince who was a huge prick, so he got turned into a beast--essentially, that whole “now the outside matches the inside, muwhahaha” thing. You’d think that would be sort of a warning to Belle, but noooo. No, she goes through the initial “Oh my God why are you keeping me prisoner here” thing (totally her father’s fault), at which point the Beast makes a couple token attempts to not be a dick.
In the original story, these attempts were not aided by talking cutlery.
Then Belle decides that there’s more to the Beast that she initially thought, and then it becomes this whole episode of her being patient and kind in the hopes that he will change.
Luckily, he does; which theoretically means that he also decided that she didn’t look like a tasty little meat snack, what with him being a beast and all. As a result, he falls madly in love with her and all her patience and kindness is rewarded by him turning into a handsome prince. It is presumed that they lived out the rest of their days in his castle, very much in love and probably traumatizing Chip by doing the freaky in every room.
He’s trying to smile but he’s seen too much and now he's dead inside.

How often does that play out in real life, though? In real life, the guy who is consistently an asshole to you is, provided he’s not just having a streak of consecutive bad days, actually an asshole.
Shocking, I know. Yet there is someone somewhere who decided, much like the other eleven billion self-help book authors like them, that women really can’t figure this out on their own and they need help.

Are enough women really that blind that they need a book?



And if you're feeling really adventurous:


  1. this also play on the delusionary female fantasy of, "yeah...he's a jerk, but I'M the one who can fix him. *sigh*

    no deary...you can't.


  2. Uh. Hmm... what to say? As a moody bastard of a guy there are a few choice things I at first wanted to say but then I chose to hold my tongue and to read further...

  3. and if it's a troubled, moody nice guy... people hate that, but if it's a distant one that makes him sexy... go figure! It's disgusting but in order to attract some people you have to act extremely disinterested in them almost slightly put off. Some of the time... What the hell!

  4. Love it. As a moody bastard I only have 2 out of 3 of those traits though. Just can't nail apathetic quite. Oh well...

    Hey men do it too, not just women. Set themselves into trouble by trying to have relationships with people are going to treat them badly only to learn in hindsight.


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