Now, I gave this stuff a chance a while back. It was fine for a while, then it went bad. Live and learn.
While browsing Exmormon.org’s forum again, I found a link to this gem: LDS Alpha.
Now, I get it. Like I said, I have had this point of view explained to me. It’s very convincing when explained to you by someone who approaches it from the same point of view as a missionary: emphasize the good parts and leave out the horse pucky so you can stumble all over it yourself much later. It’s a good method, in a way; it allows you to feel like an idiot for believing it in the first place without having it pointed out to you.
There’s couple of things that I would, in all fairness, consider valid on this guy's blog. For instance, I totally agree that men will marry a hot woman regardless of her intelligence or personality. Of course, then they’ll whine that she’s dumb and has no personality later, and chicks like me will laugh. Hysterically. We will also make fun of these guys. Mercilessly. We’ll also never date them ourselves, because they’re morons--and who wants to be with a moron?
(The fact that the post I just linked to was written by some other Mormon guy and then posted on the LDS Alpha blog is intentional. I said it was on his blog. I never said it was content that he’d written himself that was valid.)
In this case, I ran across a recent post of LDSA’s that made me stop and re-read it. Then I laughed, a little hesitantly, and read it again. Then I sighed heavily and let the rage rise. So let’s examine this little gem, shall we?
So, you asked her out and she said, “Yes.” Now what? Most guys follow a set routine on a first date that marks them as total Beta chumps. On average girls go on more dates than guys so, they go on the same routine over and over and over. Guys who avoid these major mistakes are ahead of 95% of all other guys in the world.
...Really. I can understand the idea behind “Do something different,” but the “Beta chumps” bullcrap is ominous.
The first mistake is dinner. DO NOT TAKE HER TO A NICE DINNER! DO NOT PAY FOR IT! Guys think that they should show off their ability to choose some trendy place to eat. They then want to show off their ability to provide by paying. Guys remember: Beta Provider=Chump. Paying for girls and throwing money around only marks you as Beta.
DO NOT DATE THIS MAN! DO NOT PASS UP THE CHANCE TO KICK HIM IN THE BALLS!
Women think that men should show off their ability to not be assholes by actually paying for the food when they ask a woman out to dinner. Guys, remember: Not Being An Asshole = Second Date. Paying for the dinner marks you as someone that doesn’t have the intelligence of a particularly idiotic piece of cheese.
(And it doesn’t have to be trendy or expensive, but apparently no one told this guy. But if possible, it should not be any place that has a drive-thru. Ever.)
In the modern world younger women earn far more money than men. This means that she can afford to eat and does not need to rely on you for food.
Interesting. Because speaking as a younger woman, you can shove that theory right up your lying ass. I barely make more money than a 19 year old Mormon Missionary. I could have more of a cash flow if I hustled pool. How many “younger women” actually make more than their male counterparts? The answer is very, very few--on account of very few people in their 20s have high-level jobs. And where is this magical land of freakish weirdness where men in their 20s and 30s are only allowed to work minimum wage, no matter what?
This leads to the second mistake. DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR JOB! Guys want to show off about their great job and career ambitions. Many guys think that by showing that they can provide for a girl that this will make a girl attracted to them. Again, big mistake! Girls are not ATTRACTED to Betas! By trying to show how well you provide, you will just mark yourself as Beta and kill a girl’s attraction to you. This means that you will have failed in your purpose for a first date.
I can agree with this one, but only partly. I don’t want to hear about the guy’s job because it’s a freakin’ first date. If I am on a date with someone, I don’t care if he’s a CEO or a drives a garbage truck.
But if you’re in the mood to look for someone for a long-term relationship, you do want to have it at least rattling around in the back of your mind that this guy isn’t going to be asking to borrow money to pay off the very understanding but nonetheless menacing bookie waiting out in the alley amongst the many hard and pointy objects. That doesn’t make him a Beta. It makes him able to get and keep a job, which is--and I know this must be shocking--a good quality.
DO NOT ASK HER TO TALK ABOUT HERSELF! Girls get asked the same questions on first dates over and over and over. Do not ask, “So, where did you go to school?” She gets asked this constantly. Do not ask her about her paper pushing job. Either, she will not want to talk about it and then you will have made her close up. Or even worse she will talk a ton about it and make herself seem of really high status, which will lower you in her eyes. Do not ask her to talk about her family. Do not try to build a real deep connection. She will just see that you are trying to build an artificial connection with her. This will mark you as Beta and kill attraction.
You’re right. Don’t ask me where I went to school. Ask me what books I like. Hell, you probably met me in a library anyway. This will lead to movies, and if you’re really looking to score points, it will lead to a potentially humorous discussion of why we’re all here.
(Answer: because God has a phenomenally bad sense of humor/hates us and wanted to see how we’d all treat each other if he made a world full of Alpha males and made normal people deal with them.)
I partly agree with the idea about trying to build a deep connection first off. Artificial connections do come off as desperate and clingy. But a real connection, well. Nothing wrong with having a little meaningful conversation.
DO NOT TAKE HER TO THE MOVIES! Lots of guys do the dinner and a movie thing. Girls go on this date all the time. Going to the movies will just mark you as another boring first date just like all of the other first dates that she has ever been on. At the movies you can’t interact and Demonstrate Higher Value (DHV). All you do is sit there and put your arm around her. Maybe you can get a little kino going, but that is it.
Unless I actually wanted to see that movie, but hey, be inconsiderate. Here’s a thought, get a DVD of something you know I want to see and sit through it with me after helping me cook something. Hint: I dig Rambo movies, love Practical Magic, and seriously liked Lethal Weapon.
And as for “kino,” I’m going to assume he meant “kink.” Yeah baby, nothing like getting pawed in a movie theater to make me all hot. And by hot, I mean steamed. Steamed and violent. It’s not like you were using that eye, so don’t be upset when I decide that it looks better as my new keychain.
DO NOT LET THE DATE BECOME NON SEXUAL! If you get bogged down in conversation about a girl’s life or her family, the date can become non sexual. This will set you up for the path to the friend zone. The friend zone is a place that no guys ever escape. Keep sexual tension in the date. Sexual tension is good, comfort is bad.
I can make almost anything sexual in my head. We can talk about my life. Seriously. And if the friend zone was something that no guys ever escaped, women would never end up being interested in their male friends--which has happened to me three times--at least with the unmarried ones.
And a guy who is obsessed with keeping the sexual tension in the date is a guy that I will find creepy and avoid. Look, maybe I’m in the minority here, but a guy that I find sexy is generally a guy that I find sexy no matter what. So...shut up. I want to be comfortable. I want to know that the guy I’m on a date with is someone that I can relax around. Someone who isn’t obsessed with keeping up the sexual tension because he thinks that a date is some kind of psychotic competition.
DO NOT DRAG THE DATE OUT! Some guys will use a first date to keep the girl with him for a long time. Especially, if the date is not going too well guys will want to keep it going in the hopes of redeeming himself. If the date is not going well, end it! All that you will do is to dig a greater hole for yourself and make it impossible that she will ever consider going out with you again.
Actually, I agree with this one. But WHY is this not just common sense? Who thinks that a date going badly means that they should try harder? Apparently, crazy people.
It's strange to me to read that blog. When I describe an "Alpha male," I'm thinking of well-spoken, intelligent men who are very capable. They may fix their own cars, etc, as opposed to constant (as in, really unhealthy fixation with) videogames and mental mind-games. They know who they are and they don't lie to themselves or others about this. They tell the truth, know the difference between right and wrong, stay loyal, are mature, kind, and dependable--basically, the type of guy that you look at and go, "That's a durn good man." That type of "manliness" just sort of rolls off of them like fog. This of course varies from man to man, but is unmistakable.
When this guy describes his version of an Alpha male, he's describing what I would refer to as a Beta. The need for constant stroking of the ego is something I associate with a person who is actually quite self-loathing and riddled with anxiety.
Here's an example:
I remember befriending a guy slightly younger than me who demonstrated Beta (my definition) qualities. If someone disagreed with him, he would actively attack them, ripping away at their self esteem in any way he could. Everything was about him trying to convince himself that he was better than everyone else in every way. To him, every woman out there (that he felt he could easily bully) was his inferior, and he treated me accordingly. I found out much later that a mutual friend had been made subject to his abuse, and that she had actually told him that he was going to lose not only her friendship, but also mine if he didn’t change.
This friendship did indeed come to an abrupt end when I realized how just much he was willing to blatantly lie to me in order to hide that he was basically the total opposite of the person I thought he was. That, my friends, is a Beta. But by LDS-A’s standards, he would be an Alpha--and I would be some weak-minded little shrew who passed up on a “real man.”
What is fascinating in terms of my ex-friend is that I sincerely do not think that he is actually capable of change, and probably doesn’t think that he did anything wrong by being untrustworthy and hateful. But that’s a Beta for you.
The fact that LDS-A is a Mormon just makes it more irritating to me. It's like he took the Mormon tendency to be pompous and treat women as lesser, then deliberately sought out a set of ideals that revolve around being pompous. He then, as so many men who fall prey to this kind of thinking do, tries to justify it by claiming that this ideal is not only extremely attractive, but masculine. Sorry, dude. Couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Someone needs a ClueBrick©.